I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
