Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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