last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
