Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
