I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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