Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
