good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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