I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
