dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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