I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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