I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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