I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
