She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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