I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
