Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
