Where is the hickey?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
