We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
