Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
