I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
