obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
