dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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