Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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