I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
