apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
