I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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