we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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