And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
