I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
