why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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