He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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