that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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