I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
