Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
