i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
