so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
