Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you inspire me to be a worse person
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
