you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am one with the molecules
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
