I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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