I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
