i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
