This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
