so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
