Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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