last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
