The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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