something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
