My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
