somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
