She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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