so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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