ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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