I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
