alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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