I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
