she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
