you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
