New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
