I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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