even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
